Saturday, November 21, 2009
@2:46 AM
Like the dark clouds of an impending storm, you know its coming.
4 days to the start. The moment i've been dreading yet awaiting.
The countless hours of isolation, boredom, saturation points reached.
I feel weak.
I'm starting to feel human.
That limit which i know will come haunting me.
I cannot remember.
Yet it is upon this dawning hour that is most critical.
Most critical that i stand the strongest and brave everything that comes my way.
No mistakes. No second chances.
Complaint i may, but faulter not.
Strength is the only thing i seek.
The strength to press on.
You are alone, Chris.
There are no allies, only enemies.
Let not reality deceive you.
For he who is the last one standing, gets the last laugh.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
Sunday, November 15, 2009
@3:47 AM
just caught this show on chn 8. some hong kong love movie haha...quite cute and entertaining.
But somehow it brought many memories back. like how it was like to love. how it used to be.
rather,
how I used to be.
This surge of feelings, a reminder of someone i cannot remember. an old self. what it was like to be that person.
somehow, that made me felt human.
what a nice warm feeling that is.
But i do not need that now.
My goals are calling, and so is the reality of it.
I can only pick up one call for now.
To gather all that i can muster, and press ahead.
I know it will be worth my while.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
@12:41 AM
Without my goals and ambitions, i am but nothing.
So what awaits after that? or is there and 'after that' to begin with? maybe its all a run to infinity. perhaps my goals were meant to keep me running till i drop.
What do emotions and feelings count for then? do they serve as a pair of wings? or something of much hindrance. i do not know myself, do you?
Where is that line of contentment? Is there such a line to begin with? or is it that pot of leprechaun gold at the end of a rainbow?
Amongst my confusion, all i know now is that i cannot falter. The only thing i can trust is my instincts and the most stable and strongest of support i have is the 2 feet that i stand upon. With the expectations and hope i carry, i know i cannot falter.
Failure is not an option, tiredness an excuse.
He who gets the last laugh, was the last one standing.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
Friday, November 06, 2009
@10:10 PM
I don't like the way you look at me.
don't like it the way you smile.
don't like what you're wearing.
don't like to see you around.
I don't like it even more when our eyes meet.
don't like it how you walk.
don't like it how your hair is that long.
don't like hearing your sound.
But the thing i don't like the most
really, really don't like the most
is how you tirelessly run my mind.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
Sunday, November 01, 2009
@1:23 AM
These cheating eyes.
What can you do to tie them down to just one.
Why will you do to make me stop in my tracks to sniff the flower by the road.
The road's long and windy, flowers at every corner.
Why pluck one to let it wither when you make me walk by everyday, foward looking.
Someone else plucks it as you watch i you wither in their hands.
With that wicked smile on that cruel face of glee, i sigh.
I walk on. I see. I smell.
Everything different, everything nice.
So why would i remember once more that i smelt nothing like you, now withered and withdrawn.
An unexplainable tightness in the chest but still
Those cheating eyes.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
Sunday, September 27, 2009
@3:28 AM
Been a really eventful day today. Because its a milestone so i thought i should just pen it down somewhere.
15 years.
15 years of doing what i love the most and finally i've received some form of material recognition.
It was inter-cc swim meet again. Grabbed a 2nd and 3rd placing for medley and freestyle relays. No individual medals but its ok...I just love the feeling of the competition in the air~
The sun was kind of an irritant though. Draining your energy away unknowingly. Kinda messed up one of my fav events. A slip up but oh well....lesson in life: things don't always work out the way you prepared it to be.
Swam my fav fly at medley. Wasn't too bad i guess. Felt better than last year though still feeling a lack of power.
Realise my plunge can improve a whole lot more too after doing my own after-reviews. lol.
Met nikki at the meet where she swam too! pleasant surprise.
But anyway it was hella of fun and i'd definitely do it again next year haha.
faster. stronger.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
Friday, September 18, 2009
@2:16 AM
Its night and time to emo again.
Was listening to a nice melodic song by jon schmidt and neal middleton called 'i do'.
Makes me think about emo stuff again.
You know how time slips through your hand like grains of sand that flows through your fingers.
No matter how you try to grab it, you will never be able to keep all of them.
Just like how you are experiencing life without me by your side and i beside yours.
You probably don't know how much i am missing you now or how glad i am to be able to see you once more deep down inside.
I may not express it very well with you around, maybe even taking for granted sometimes
But these hot tears that seem to well up at times is borne from the very place you have lifted me up to with all your strength.
I don't like you to know how much i suffer in silence alone because that will only be your unecessary burden when i am already eternally grateful for all that you have done for me.
I hate to see you grow old without be because i can never buy back the time lost no matter how much money i make in the future.
I hate to miss being a part of your life while you were growing up.
I hate being the one to pursue success in my own life while missing yours.
I hate being helpless to all these that i'm missing.
I may not feel strongly about all these all the time but at least deep down inside this is what i feel.
I may not have a solution to it but i can only make you proud.
If that is all i can do, then that is all i will do with all the strength i have no matter how much it takes from me.
And as always, i just have got to let you know that i love you.
Mom, Dad, Brother.
Une prière de silet pour celle amour d'I
